Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
