Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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