It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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