I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
