Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I need a beard to bite.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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