i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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