I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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