It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
