Me too!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
