did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
