Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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