You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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