I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
