FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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