We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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