C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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