i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
