I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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