Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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