Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
false alarm, still single
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