Someone shit on the floor
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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