So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
