he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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