my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
