well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
