I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
