I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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