they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
