My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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