Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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