literally had 100 drinks last night.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
