Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
