what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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