Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
