plz talk dirty to me
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
it's like iHOP with fire
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
