you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
