Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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