Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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