got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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