Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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