I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
