I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
