what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
