Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
