Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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