Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
