I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
