its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Randomize
