Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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