Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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